banyak cabang pulak dahh

meeting dgn sv1 and sv2I, surprisingly mereka merancang utk aku focus on satu lagi method lain utk synthesize sampel..aduuh,penaT betul, dgn method1 dan method2 yg terkutang kating lagi, diorang ni biar betul...aku rasa tension jugaklaa..habis meeting balik ofis aku termenung je depan PC ...masa tu rasa macam macam, nak pengsan, panik, berdebar debar, down, tak confident...boleh ke aku ni..dahlah SV1 tu macam teragak agak je...ni nak set meeting dgn sorang lagi Dr yg ada buat juga lebih kurang cam topik aku...aku fikir,,hai,nanti entah apa pulak lagi method baru keluar...risau..BIG BIG W sekarang...WORRY 3X

new day for me

last week rasa agak stress dengan meeting with 'I' sv dan second sv from the RC bla bla bla..weekend agak menarik, most of the time jadi housewife laa apa lagi, dan yg bestnya dapat catch-up tv series, macam ugly betty, desperate housewives, adamaya..emm adamaya agak mengesankan juga walau belum boleh lawan nurkasih...

this blog has been privatised bermula sekarang..sebab rasanya lebih selesa nak menulis di sini bila tau takda orang yg agak agak jeles membaca sebab kekadang macam ada rasa aura jeles dalam diri beberapa org yg baru di contact oleh aku...hanya aku yg tau..

anyway i am determined to start a new day tomorrow, more productive, braver, friendly-er, more efficient with my work..frust bila buka website my uni tadi ingat ada space for To-Do-List nak cuba jadi lebih organise dalam buat phd aku ni..so far rasanya okay dah, tapi nak kena lebih organise..so rasanya i can depend on my BB for this....

please Tie, starting tmorrow be more:-
- energetic
- efficient
- friendly to people
- brave to ask and to give opinion
- organised
- punctual on doing my phd works, try avoid delay okay!! (seriously)
- relax, don't be stressful...everything have its limitation
- focus on phd works...critically need to be considered

that's all .....for now , i guess

meeting at the research centre

finally the day was come..yesterday friday, i went to the research centre with my "I' sv by train until reach Camberwell, and my SV fetched us and went to the RC..

we arrived about 10 minutes to 11am and we waited at the canteen for my second sv because he was at another building at that moment we arrived, and my SV asked if i want a coffee, looks like he wants to pay for it:) but i kind of felt ashame at that time and suddenly i told him, 'thanks Prof, i am not a coffee type of person..'( at the same time, i am pretty much sure that i heard myself laughing at me..hahahah..):(..

never mind...terlepas belanja kopi..actually i got panic when he asked, 'how would you like your coffee??'..and i totally have no idea how to respond..with sugar and milk?, white?, black?..how?? how to respond when people asked you that question..fuhh..i need to ask someone about this...kiv

then my second sv arrived, we chatted for a while and he told us about his/their recent project..and then he accompanied us to visit their new labs at another building which used to be a coffee warehouse before the RC took over..

we visited the cleanroom and the fabrication lab again, it looked fully utilised compared to our last visit last year, and i really excited and wish i can get some opportunities to work there, using all the new equipments, glove box, etc..

we discussed some more on my research and my second sv advised me to really look deeply into the concrete reasons of choosing any material in this project and have to make sure that i have all the strong reasons recorded, cited, and completely understand of their function, advantages, disadvantages..

we agreed on the steps of the project, some synthesize works at the uni, and testing at the RC..

i really glad and felt relief that we achieved that kind of agreement, even though at the first stage of the meeting, i am quite confused with all the things that my second sv talked about and how my SV and 'I' sv responded to him, but at last, its became clearer and eased my 'dizzy-ness'...

i didn't got time to take picture of us although i tried several times, they seems to keep chatting with each other and plan for another bigger project together, will apply for new funding..blabla bla..well never mind, i still have ample time to do that..

as a conclusion, i really treasure and grateful, we had that meeting, and its kind of a push gear that motivates me in doing my work.and hopefully with Allah wills and blessings,i will have enough strength to keep 'going', insyaAllah

weekly update

well, my 'I' sv came back here for 12 weeks from 29th of april, and he is kind of a guy who really committed to his job, i guess because my research topic is really his expert area, and i am also really wants to make full use of his time here..

we will have an important meeting next week at one research centre in melbourne and will meet with my co-sv there who also is an expertise on my field of research...wow, my honourable svs are everywhere, around the world..heheheh.

frankly speaking, i am VERY nervous with this coming meeting, because my co-sv will introduce me to other person/s who also working on the same field ,probably students or other researchers, i am not sure...but i reckon i need to have a well preparation for these meeting...

so while in the train heading home, my mind wasn't stop thinking about this meeting...i am afraid of my capability to explain things in 'a scientific' manner..i am not confident enough..even if i met someone at school and he/she asked "so what research are you working on actually..?"..i kind of..."errr..err well its about semiconductor device..ehh no not exactly, emm actually more on ehmm..mmm what we called..??" ..so embarassing..i can't even explain to other PG students, so i don't know, what will be my reaction to explain to others who happen to be the expertise in this research field..

yes i know, i need to prepare myself very very very (seriously!!) very well...i keep thinking of the questions they might ask me, should i write a report on my previous works, or should i just be silence and let my SV and "I"sv 'leads the way'...no i don't think so...

well i guess i won't enjoy my weekend's much due to this matter...i can't even sleep well lately...the face of my"I" sv kept popping in front of me and bombarded me with questions, this and that, what, why, how, which is which.. ..aahhh..

now i know...AND I DON'T LIKE IT BUT I HAVE TO FACE ITT..that nowww

i am in WAR!!!!!

penat wehh

soo tired this week, the I' sv is very agressive..always wants a meeting, progress, progress, progress..penat weh..n each meeting i got new tasks..heheh, at each meeting at least he gaves me 3 tasks, i already have 3 meeting!! from monday until today..soo approximately..about 9 tasks now..and the best part is none of it done!!..

and lately i felt a bit lonely....tired and lonely...what a combination, i wonder if it can be cured with eating chocolate...hemmmm..

today's nervous day & chocolate

so nervous today..why?? i actually have a meeting with my so-called co-sv from india, he just came back here for 12 weeks, and of course he kind of has a high expectation on me...but actually that's what i feel about him..



when i arrived at uni, at the first place i just want to pretend that i don't have to see him today, but my instinct keep saying " call him call him, have a meeting with him.." and i did.



i called him and arrange a meeting at 11am together with my sv, prof mike. i showed him what results i got from several preliminary measurements i've made, and still i am like don't know how to explain things in order, i can feel like i am jumping here and there, and when i glanced at his face, OMG!!..i know he kind of confuse/blank/blurr of what i am presenting to him.



Luckily i manage to get something printed on so he can study it by himself instead, and the meeting last away to early than i expected..its only takes about 20 minutes..and when i stepped out of the room, my mind keep thinking, is this enough? is this okay? or are they thinking something bad and saying bad things about me after i left ?



he gave me some work to do and tomorow i have to show him what i've done, hopefully tomorrow will be better, i kept imagine banging my head to my table while saying "stupid stupid stupid of me", after the meeting because i can't even remember the most easiest formula which i used it a lot in my calculation, and i must say, i felt stupid, very stupid at that time when he asked me what formula did i use to calculate that graph...ish ish ish..terrible!



anyway, my sv helped me out sometimes, he knew it when i don't know how to respond and he helped me explain it back to me or explained to him...my co-sv, his ascent sometime not so clear, and i need to really pay attention to his mouth to know what he is saying..haha



and the best part ever today is that, i read an article about phd journey again today ..(check at "check it out" segment on the right)..and at one part the author said something that chocolate can really make us forget about stress and chocolate can stimulate us to be more cheerful and give our best effort in work..take chocolate while doing phd might help to reduce your phd stress...really???



walllahhh, i like that very much, in fact yeaa, now i realise why i am being soo moody lately, ...i need chocolate..i need it desperately..i need it nowww...

all about 5 papers

arrive at uni - 9.48
arrive home - ~12pm

hari ni balik awal sebab ada orang internet nak install wireless internet connection, appointment kata midday to afternoon before 5pm so ingatkan lepas kul 12, cause husband nak gi solat jumaat maka aku lah kena balik awal...tetapi mamat internet datang awal 11am dah sampai dan installation tak sampai pun sejam...so yaahhoooo aku sedang menaip menggunakan pc aku dan muhammad dengan excitednya menonton power rangers..best ooo ingat kalu ada 10 laptop nak bukak sume sekalii 10 10, punyala seronok...

lama tak update study dan buat entri kerana nilah, internet connection lama dah kena potong, kepunyaan penyewa dulu, dan ambil masa masukkan yang baru ni, tapi penantian yg sangat berbaloi, kerana lepas ni husband kata kalau nak lepas geram ber'internet' sepanjang masa pun takpa, sebab dia tak kacau aku, aku pun tak akan kacau laptop dia, anak pun boleh main game sendirikk..best

study aku agak kurengg best this and last week, kena belajar guna sputtering machine, oh sangatlah susah dan ambil masa sangat lama utk bina confident diri...SV dari india dah sampai dan aku masih tak tau apa yg aku kena buat report ni sebab result bukannya gempak pun..try la tengok weekend ni macamana,kot2 dapat ilham ke..

2 hari lepas, tengah bosan bosan terbaca satu artikel, dari seorang phd holder, dia kata sebagai phd student jangan fikirkan sangat tentang thesis tapi focuskan pada papers, everything from your work focus on writing paper about it, and at least dapat 5 papers with high impact..mak ooii, tenganga tetiba aku baca..5 tuu..tapi bab thesis tu logik jugakan, bila ada paper barulah confident nak tulis thesis...tapi bab 5 paper tu wow wow wow..tak terkata iii....